I posted something very similar to this in Nov. here is the thread http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about132414-1.html#lastpost
I have suffered from PPD after the birth of each one of my three chidlren. Each time it has been more severe.
Here is a piece that I wrote for American Baby
I love my children. I always wanted to be a mom. It is the greatest accomplishment of my life, but there's a scary part of pregnancy and after that affects millions of women. Post Partum Depression During my pregnancy with my second baby I started suffering from anxiety attacks. I would get so worked up I would get phsysically ill. I'd vomit and hyperventalate. I didn't want my husband to touch me or talk to me. I was so excited for the arrival of my second child. We had everything ready. Crib, clothes, diapers, EVERYTHING. I had a lot of complications in my pregnancy. I was on bedrest for 11 weeks and had pre-eclampsia. My son ended up being born 3 weeks early due to a dangerous rise in my blood pressure. I didn't have the dream pregnancy. Reguardless when my lil bubbah was born I was thrilled. Everything was fine. Even tho I was feeling overwhelmed, I thought I could handle everything. My husband wasn't really helping with the baby. He'd be at work all day and then come home and sleep. Dawson would sleep 4-5 hours in a row, but then be up sparatically thru out the day and I wasn't getting any sleep. For the first 2 months of my sons life my husband changed maybe 3 diapers. I tried to deal with everything by myself. Tired to keep the house clean, tried to make breakfast, lunch and dinner. Tired to be super mom. Then I started feeling hopeless and lost. I never ONCE EVER thought about hurting my children, but I started thinking often about what it would be like if I could just leave and never come back. I tried to talk to my husband, but it didn't help. I was lost. I felt alone and overwhelmed. I just wanted it all to end. When Dawson was 5 months old I was completely gone. I would cry all day long. I didn't want to do anything. I would do what I had to do to take care of my boys. I played with them, fed them, bathed them, put them in bed and then just sat there feeling empty. It go to the point where I just wanted to die. One day while Tyler and the kids were gone I just lost it. Sitting there with my own thoughts got the better of me and I took a razor blade and slit my wrists. Not deadly but enough for me to realize that I needed help. There was so much blood. It was so scary. I called Tyler and told him he needed to come home right away. It looked like a homicide had taken place. There was blood everywhere. I think it scared both of us. I was in the hosptial that night and at my doctor the next morning. I started intense counseling and was started on medication. I always thought I was stronger than that. That I would be able to take care of myself no matter what. But thenI was living in darkness. Post Partum Depression, or depression of any kind can affect anyone. If you are suffering from this, you're not alone. I went thru it. I've been there. I know its hard to ask for help, but its necessary. I am so much better now. I've been in counseling for a year now. I am able to control the depression with out medication now. But after Georgia is born, I know the warning signs. Its scary to think that I could have left my children. I was sick. But I found the light at the end of the tunnel.