In-law problems need to vent and get unbiased opinions

My fiance and I live in Northern Illinois, as do most of my family, and most of his dad's family. His mom and her family live in Southern Illinois. We rent a house from his Aunt and Uncle, who literally live on the same property, just in a different house. I live part time at the house we rent and part time with my mom and step-dad.
The house that we live in is livable, but needs some fixing up, when my fiance first started renting the deal was they'd give him a rent price, but any repairs that needed to be done had to come out of his pocket. Which was fine, and we figured we'd just make the repairs as we got the money to do so. Then we found out I was pregnant. The house while it's fine for two adults to live in isn't really fine for a new baby to live in, and in the long run would be to stressful to have a new baby and all the problems, so we figured we'd move into an apartment. Well, his aunt and uncle got mad at us for wanting to move out because after they found out I was pregnant they had been planning on helping us out with the house so we can stay there. They just didn't tell us until my fiance told them we were looking at apartments. So then it was we would stay because they were going to make sure that the house was fine for a baby. However, we're still going to have to pay for some of it, and after doing the math it turns out we're going to have to spend about a years rent just on the repairs, not to mention what we've already spent on the house up to this point. A little less than a month ago we ran into some financial problems and it looked like we weren't going to be able to stay there at all. At this point his mom offered that we move in with her. She has a bing house, and we could all live there with out being to cramped. For a couple of weeks my fiance thought that he was going to have to move in with her before the baby was even born, and I would have to stay with my parents until the baby and I could travel and move in with his mom. Then we found out we'll be getting some money, which would be enough to fix the house, and pay some bills, but then we're basically back to square one with money. However, my fiance decided that since we're getting this money then we can stay at the house, and everything will be fine. I don't think so. For one thing I'm not entirely sure I want to put that much money into a house I'm renting, and a house that as soon as we did all those repairs could have something go seriously wrong and us not be able to live there anyway. Not to mention how much money bills, and groceries, and other nessicities are going to cost after the baby comes. I did voice this all to him, but he got mad at me, saying he didn't see why I thought moving in with his mother was such a good idea, and how he would be miserable down there, and that his mom isn't really able to financially help us out. However, when he thought we had to move down there he was talking about how he doesn't really see his friends up here anymore, and that maybe a change of place might help everything.
Then his dad's family keeps buying me and the baby all kinds of things, but I'm not supposed to know about any of it. Everything is supposed to be a surprise, which is nice and everything, except now I'm going into my third trimester and to me it looks like I have nothing for when the baby comes. Yes I do realize it's all out there, which brings up I don't know what to register for for my baby shower. Plus, my family has already said I can have a few things of their's and his mom got us a crib set, but his dad's family doesn't know any of that, so they could very well be out there buying stuff that was already a planned gift for me from someone else, and his dad's family is the type to get mad and offended over the fact that I choose the bath tub that my aunt got for me because it's the one I wanted over their's because they just went out and bought me one, and didn't even ask if I had any preferences. Where as his mom even asked if it was okay for her to get us the crib set, and I like it so that's the one I'm using no matter what anyone else gets me. Not to mention the doctors put me at high risk for pre-term labor, so there's a chance that I'm not going to make it to my baby shower, in which case great you were going to surprise me with all of this stuff, but now I'm in the hospital and had to send my mom out to get the kid some hats and clothes and a car seat so I can take it home. it's just very frustrating.
So it all boils down to the fact that even if we were to repair the house I still wouldn't feel safe bringing my baby into it, because of how many nightmares I've had about the baby and that house. (the other night I dreamed that the baby died from a black widow bite; not that I actually think that a black widow would some how make it into my house, but because the house is located in the middle of a field in the summer and fall we get a lot of bugs and mice around the house, and some do make it inside the house) I also don't think that moving into his mother's house is the perfect solution; I just think it's one of the only solutions. It would help us get on our feet, and I know that while his mom would help us she wouldn't set up strict rules for me and him (which his dad's family would if we were to move in with them) and she wouldn't over step her bounds with the baby, although, she would love to help as much as she possibly could. While his dad's family have already made it seem like I'm never going to see my kid. His step-mom is actually setting up a nursery in her house just for when it stays the night. I fell like my fiance made his decision based on the fact that one he doesn't want to move down south let alone into his mom's house, and because he doesn't want to offend any of his dad's family. Also, because he has a dog, and it's pretty much if we move in with his mom the dog can't come with. I don't to offend them either, and I do appreciate everything they're or I should say they're planning on doing for us, I don't want to spend that kind of money on a house that I ultimately might not be able to stay in for very long, I don't feel safe with a baby in that house, and it basically comes down to we either move into his mom's house together, or the baby and I stay at my mom and step-dad's house while he stays at the house we're renting. I'm just afraid to give him that ultimatum; I don't want to argue with him anymore, but I want to do what I feel is best for my baby.
I'm sorry this post was so long, but any advice would be appreciated, thank you in advance.

I personally NEVER want to get into a situation with family and money or any type of renting, Its bound to turn ugly.

From personal experience any deals concerning money and family never work out!
If it was at all possible I would recommend you and your fiance getting an apartment or something on your own. You need your privacy as a couple and as a new family.

As for registering...you can find a check list of newborn essentials in some pregnancy books, mags, and probally online. I would try to get as much of those items as possible. Something that maybe overlooked are things such as Gas drops, Tylenol, orajel, and other baby medicines. Diapers, wipes and formula are also things to ask for. Good luck.

First let me say spending your money to fix a house you don't even own is just a terrible idea. It's a complete losing situation for you two and a winning situation only for the owners. Who is to say after the repairs are all made they won't kick you out and turn around and rent it out for more or even sell it and they make off with all of the money? Sorry, but I do not think you should spend any of your money on repairing a rental property, AT ALL. The owners have got to keep the house repaired up to standard and should in no way be relying on you to do that for them. They own it, not you guys!

I also think if you believe it is best for you two and your baby to move in with his mother for a while, then you've just got to do what is best for everyone. You'll save money living with her and eventually can move into your own place again that is good enough for you two and your baby.

Oh yeah, and hi from Northern Illinois too   that is where I live.

His family sounds like a NIGHTMARE. I'd definitely be inclined to use the money you're going to get to move into your own place that's not owned by any relatives.

It seems that his fathers side of the family wants to help, but maybe just so you'll be indebted to them? The last thing you're going to need is his family trying to take over your baby and family life. I'd move out ASAP.

His family will just need to accept that you have your own lives.

I actually made up alist of what we would need straight away for the baby, and what we could get gradually after the baby is born. Well I found out from my in-laws what they were looking at/getting. Then I e-mailed the list to my mum, with things on it marked, then I just liasoned between both families, to update the list. My in laws have got us a stroller, which we will use for a little while, but we really want a new pram, a proper one when we can afford it. So thats were ebay comes in handy...they have some nice prams on there really cheap. but that won't be till Gar is back in work, or until after the baby is born

The problem with his family buying things is I'm not allowed to know what they got me, I'm not even supposed to know they got me anything, actually. So I can't sit there and get a list of what they got me so I know not to ask for this or that, or even relay their list to my side of the family so they know what not to get me. Yeah, I know my kid will need diapers and wipes, and the basics no matter what his family got me, but that's not going to be much fun for everyone else who come to the baby shower, if the only thing they know to get me is diapers, wipes, blankets, and some clothes. Not to mention even clothes is dangerous because the one thing I do know I'm getting is about a life time supply of onsies. The other thing is I know my family will buy me the things I want and need, for example, I want a bassinet for when the baby is first born, and I know if one of my family members was to buy me one they would either pick the one I had registered, or call to ask me if there was one I preferred before shopping for it. His family, on the other hand, would just goes out and buys one of the most expensive ones, and one they liked, and the be offended if I chose the one that my family bought over their's.
A situation like this has kind of already occurred. Before I ever got pregnant, or even met my fiance, my mom and I were shopping, and we saw one of those new Jogger strollers. I tried it out, and fell in love with it for many reasons. One I have a bad back and the jogger is easier to push than regular strollers so I'd have less of a problem. I also liked the design, and how it maneuvered, and how light weight is was. So my mom agreed that when I did eventually have kids that would be one of the things she bought for me. Well, now I'm pregnant, but my mom is waiting to buy things until closer to my shower, but then his dad and step-mom told us at Christmas that they were going to get us an Eddie Bower stroller and car seat set that cost around $200. I didn't say anything to them but I told my fiance later, that as much as I appreciated it I wished they had asked me first because I had already had my heart set on a different stroller set. Of course, his answer was well you know they're buying us a really expensive stroller, and it will be very nice. I was thinking yes, but the one I wanted was less expensive, and just as nice. Why should they spend that much money on something I'm not really going to be happy with.

You can always take the expensive stuff they buy you back to the store and exchange it for stuff you want/need. I would take advantage of it and be happy you have so many people wanting to buy stuff for your baby. You could also re-sell the items to friends or family members having babies. There are tons of ways to get rid of un-wanted gifts, especially brand new baby items you don't want. You could even give them away if you're not worried about getting to a store and exchanging them.

I can understand your frustration with his family getting upset though and not even taking into consideration your preferances... but just ignore it as best as possible and when you get the stuff, like I said, decide what you want to do with it and if they get upset about it, oh well.