re: I WAS ADOPTED- thread open for all

Quoting Graham&Crackers:“ now they require a lot more.... back then (20 or so years ago) the legal papers were a joke, and nothing ... [snip!] ... required besides her to sign them. My DOB was even listed different on different papers. It was crazy to see. Kind of a joke.”

it seems like birth parents/ hospitals/ lawyers back then tried to erase everything that had to do with their first/birth parents and families and thats just sad

Quoting Mama2Eliza&Jaela((AKM)):“ it seems like birth parents/ hospitals/ lawyers back then tried to erase everything that had to do with their first/birth parents and families and thats just sad”

very true, i had next to nothing to go off of... im glad they make more of an effort now to obtain more information

- one day these children will grow and wonder and if they want to look they should be able to have more information than what they do...

A lot of people dont look for their birth parents for fear of rejection. Did anyone else choose not to look because of that? I was so nervous while looking for my birth mom but when I talked to her, and then met her I was totally calm. BUT, I am also 24 years old. I dont really think that meeting your birth mother at 4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17... is a good idea. TOO many emotions that you (the child) cant deal with yet. It was hard to deal with mine at 24. I also dont agree with open adoption after about age 12 months- but thats just me.

Quoting Graham&Crackers:“ A lot of people dont look for their birth parents for fear of rejection. Did anyone else choose not to ... [snip!] ... yet. It was hard to deal with mine at 24. I also dont agree with open adoption after about age 12 months- but thats just me.”

what is it about open adoption that you dont agree with after 12 months? im just wondering i have an extremely open adoption with my daughter i see her about twice a month and my other daughters also involved in the visits

I was adopted when I was 5 by my grandmother so I grew up knowing my birthmother at first I we didnt get along because I didnt understand why she gave me up but I'm 19 now and pregnant with my first child and when I told her I was pregnant we had a long talk and she helped me understand everything its still hard but day by day I learn new things and it gets easier we get along pretty good until she starts to try to be mom again then it just makes me distant myself again because if she didnt want to do it 19 years ago then I think she shouldnt have they chance now. She gave me up because she would rather party and have her men than take care of her child.

Quoting Mama2Eliza&Jaela((AKM)):“ what is it about open adoption that you dont agree with after 12 months? im just wondering i have an ... [snip!] ... an extremely open adoption with my daughter i see her about twice a month and my other daughters also involved in the visits”

well.... its just hard to understand i think...

i was told at 5-6 that i was adopted but it didnt mean anything to me... I just said 'ok'- my mommy was mommy and daddy was daddy to me... I didnt understand....

as i got older, teen's prob i started asking a lot of questions as to why, and not understanding and wanted to know more... but my mom gave me limited information saying we would talk about it when i was 18....

open adoption can be confusing to children- they dont understand the reasons behind you giving them up... they just know you did... esp once a child hits the teenage years they will use the whole... "your not my mother anyways line..." its a lot harder on the adopted family to be 'the parents' if that makes sense.

if i adopted i would want the adoption closed until 18- but thats me.... it was hard for me to have all those questions and wonders at 18 and then it was hard at 24... i just feel, that if i was 10-14-16 I wouldnt have the mental mind to understand and come to terms with things... at that age I glad the only thing i was worried about was what i was going to wear and where I was going on Friday night...

adoption is hard on child...(later in life)..... its hard for the bith mom (always)... and its hard for the family that chose to adopt.... (for my mom, after 24 years its still can be hard)

Quoting kj0511:“ I was adopted when I was 5 by my grandmother so I grew up knowing my birthmother at first I we didnt ... [snip!] ... she shouldnt have they chance now. She gave me up because she would rather party and have her men than take care of her child.”

So you are glad you met her??? Are you ever angry with her?

Quoting Graham&Crackers:“ well.... its just hard to understand i think... i was told at 5-6 that i was adopted but it didnt ... [snip!] ... the bith mom (always)... and its hard for the family that chose to adopt.... (for my mom, after 24 years its still can be hard)”

its interested to see how it is from an adoptees point of veiw. IDK we always saw it as it would be beneficial for the child to have birth parents/siblings in their lives b/c those questions will be easier answered from the source, she will know who i am and when shes old enough to understand she will understand why she is with her parents and not me. We have left everything open as to when she gets older whether she wants me around and what she wants to call me

Quoting Graham&Crackers:“ So you are glad you met her??? Are you ever angry with her?”

Yes, I'm glad I know her now. After all the talks we've had recently she has become one of my best friends and the fact that she admits she made a mistake by now growing up and raising me helped alot. I have my times when I get angry with her but then I get over it because if she hadnt have given me up then I wouldnt be who I am today. So most of me is glad she did what she did but some of me is curious of how things would have been.

Quoting Mama2Eliza&Jaela((AKM)):“ its interested to see how it is from an adoptees point of veiw. IDK we always saw it as it would be ... [snip!] ... and not me. We have left everything open as to when she gets older whether she wants me around and what she wants to call me”

glad she wont have to search and search for you.... that will make it easier on her  

I'm totally glad that I met my birth mom and siblings. My half sister and I look a lot alike, along with my birth mother and I... and we all have personalities that are similar. It is very cool to see. I enjoy getting to know them now and I am so glad I actually found them!  

Quoting kj0511:“ Yes, I'm glad I know her now. After all the talks we've had recently she has become one of my best friends ... [snip!] ... wouldnt be who I am today. So most of me is glad she did what she did but some of me is curious of how things would have been.”

I havent ever been angry. I think it was hard for me to deal (at first) with having a younger sister that was born just after she gave me up. BUT, I understand why she did what she did and I am happy with who I have become. She could have done worse and instead she loved me enough to make sure I went to a happy home. Life isnt what she prob thought it would be for me growing up but everything happened the way it needed to for her and for me. I just like to think we have something to build now. The past is the past.

Quoting Graham&Crackers:“ I havent ever been angry. I think it was hard for me to deal (at first) with having a younger sister ... [snip!] ... happened the way it needed to for her and for me. I just like to think we have something to build now. The past is the past.”

I have had some of those feelings to I have a brother that is 4 years younger than I am and even tho she didnt give him up (his dad has custody) she fought to have vistiations with him and I felt kinda left out but your exactly right the past is the past and at least now shes trying to have a good relationship with me and I love her for that.

I love this idea for a thread and I love that it's already on page 3 in like an hour! My father was adopted and my husband and I adopted our first daughter. Our story is in my profile.

Prayers for any of you struggling with adoption or having a hard time connecting with birth/adoptive families.

Quoting kj0511:“ Yes, I'm glad I know her now. After all the talks we've had recently she has become one of my best friends ... [snip!] ... wouldnt be who I am today. So most of me is glad she did what she did but some of me is curious of how things would have been.”

sorry mama! not to you....

G&C - Things have changed a lot since you were adopted. I don't think you can have a "closed" adoption these days unless it's because the parents lost custody through neglect, abuse, etc. When I say "closed" I mean where the records are sealed.

I agree with you that lots of contact with birthfamilies can be confusing. I'm relieved our daughter's birthfamily just wants to know how she's doing from a distance. And your'e certainly entitled to your opinions!

I think we all have to be careful with the use of terms like "open" and "closed". It means such different things to different people.

Our daughter's adoption is open. One thing that I firmly believe is that years of not knowing your story usally only causes adopted children sadness or feelings of being given away. Boys take it better than girls generally.