re: I WAS ADOPTED- thread open for all

Quoting preggo_princess0713:" Yes he wasn't given away that way, his biological mom kept him. But she is very reluctabt"

If his name isn't on the birth certificate and his mom won't tell you, you're pretty much screwed. I suppose you could talk to a private detective or something.

We were thinking about asking his aunts of she doesn't fork over the info. It's important to both of is so we know exactly what risk there is about any possible diseases. That and my dh decided he wanted to hear the story from him as well I guess

Quoting preggo_princess0713:" We were thinking about asking his aunts of she doesn't fork over the info. It's important to both of ... [snip!] ... what risk there is about any possible diseases. That and my dh decided he wanted to hear the story from him as well I guess"

my a- mom wouldn't fork up any info until about a year ago. I had to call her when she was drunk...haha got the full name. I told her that I'd really like her to be a part of this with me and that it's her choice. If she chooses not to help me find my bio family, so be it. I will do it on my own..without her help. Eventhough I still had to search on my own for the most part, if i needed more info, she ended up telling me because she didnt want me to do this behind her back so to speak. That worked for me... youcould suggest trying that/

I also explained to her that it was not being done to replace her as a mother in anyway, shape, or form. This was strictly about my health and the health of my future children and also to bring closure to the whole situation. I told her that I have prepared myself for the worst and hope for the best and that I was not at all afraid of what my bio mom was/could be.

I was at three days and my boyfriend/baby's dad was at about a year. Definitely hard to understand unless you've been there...

Also, I have a number of sisters. I will tell you it's weird to be given up while the others got kept. I imagine it would be even weirder if she's the youngest, I was the oldest and my mom was very young at the time. I know them, except for the one on my dad's who seemed to block me on FB when I found her and didn't get back to talking to her 'soon enough'. I like the ones I do know but I only see them a few times a year and I don't know how to interact with them sometimes, especially the 8 year old. I love them but I don't really leave my normal life to see them as much as I might, although my birth mom despises my bf/bd because he was kind of not-nice for a time but I do want him to be around and it's getting a lot better. So I don't really want to go over there, at least not yet, so I just haven't seen them since the summer.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~~My*EgGo*Is*PrEgGo~~:</b>" We were thinking about asking his aunts of she doesn't fork over the info. It's important to both of ... [snip!] ... what risk there is about any possible diseases. That and my dh decided he wanted to hear the story from him as well I guess"</blockquote>




Ok update... We got the information from his aunt, and this guys grew up and graduated from the same town dh did. His mom told him it was a college fling.. it wasn't etc. He is actually pretty upset at her for all of it, and he is I think realizing how hard it is... I did find his birth grandfathers number and name and address but he is unsure of wanting to call now..

Quoting ~~My*EgGo*Is*PrEgGo~~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~~My*EgGo*Is*PrEgGo~~:</b>" We were thinking about asking his ... [snip!] ... how hard it is... I did find his birth grandfathers number and name and address but he is unsure of wanting to call now.."

I would suggest writing a letter.... that way he can go through and write it, edit it, and make sure he says everything he wants to say/ask. When you call and put someone on the spot sometimes it can be awkward for either party. I wish you guys the best of luck!

Quoting Lexi-Avery-Dylan-Gabe:" I would suggest writing a letter.... that way he can go through and write it, edit it, and make sure ... [snip!] ... When you call and put someone on the spot sometimes it can be awkward for either party. I wish you guys the best of luck!"

this idea!! I am not a phone person at all so i dreaded making the first phone call. I wrote down what I wanted to say on a piece of paper and mentally prepared myself for all outcomes. Well while I was still deciding whether or not Iwas ready, my birth mom actually called me! haha caught me off guard but I am glad that she made the first contact.

I adopted 2 boys who are 2.5 and 15 months. We adopted both as infants and have an open adoption with their birth families.

I want my kids to grow up knowing they are adopted from the start and feeling as if they are free to ask questions about their birth parents.

We started a life book that has pictures of their birth parents and a couple of letters from one of them.

As adoptees, what would you recommend my husband and I doing for our kids as they grow up regarding telling them their adopted and being open to answering their questions,

Is there any thing you wished your a-parents did for you? Any dos or donts ? Thank you

Quoting Blessed by Adoption X2:" I adopted 2 boys who are 2.5 and 15 months. We adopted both as infants and have an open adoption with ... [snip!] ... open to answering their questions, Is there any thing you wished your a-parents did for you? Any dos or donts ? Thank you"

I don't remember the moment that my parents told me I was adopted, I just always knew. I think that is definitely the way to go, I think my parents handled it perfectly.

Quoting Blessed by Adoption X2:" I adopted 2 boys who are 2.5 and 15 months. We adopted both as infants and have an open adoption with ... [snip!] ... open to answering their questions, Is there any thing you wished your a-parents did for you? Any dos or donts ? Thank you"

first of all, bravo for being open about it. That is a huge step as an adoptive parent. here are some do's and don'ts from MY experience:

DO:
Be honest. obviously they may be too young to understand their stories. But as they get older, be honest with your answers to their questions

Listen.

Be there for them

Tell them you are proud of them and love them on a regular basis. ( I never got told these things. I never felt good enough for my "new" family.)

put your children's needs before your own. My a-mom always told me i wasn't ready to know anything. I wouldn't understand, etc etc. I really was ready and had valid reasons. She was just scared and hid the info to protect her emotions and to meet her needs. But not mine.

DON'T:

Lie about it.

Don't blame their mistakes or flaws on their genes.

don't deny them their original birth certificate. It is part of our identity and our story. It is rightfully ours.

Don't assume that because they don't open up about their feelings of being adopted, or don't really talk about it, that they are 100% content with it.

Don't send them away to children's home when they act up or misbehave. ( they did this to my older adoptive brother. It made me feel like I was always walking on egg shells and that they would send me away if I ever made a mistake. It led to anxiety and anytime I thought I messed up, I would get anxiety attacks and cry non-stop.)

Don't try to mold them to be like you. Teaching them important morals, etc is fine. Just let them develop their own personalities. My a-mom and I were complete opposites. She knew that.... and HATED it! She would try to make me look, think, and act like her and it just made me resent her for it. I also stuggled with identity issues and felt more like a cameleon: Like i had to blend into my surroundings in order to be accepted.

When the day comes that they really want to meet thier bio parents, don't just dismiss the idea right away because you think they are going to replace you. I never wanted to run away with my bio parents. I just wanted to see who I came from, who's eyes i had, and be able to look at them face to face. I also wanted to know our families culture and medical background. Most importantly, I just wanted closure.

My adoptive mom, is my mom. She raised me, brought me up with great morals, taught me great life lessons, and provided me with anything i needed. Eventhough she wasn't a perfect parent, I love her so much and appreciate everything she's ever done for me.

I am in contact with my bio family now and have been able to have that closure that I really needed in my life. I am not angry at my bio-parents. I really can confirm that they did what was best for me and I truly respect them for that. Hope this helps!

havent been in this thread in forever, but I had the most akward situation today, not about me though, i just needed to share.

So there's this kid that goes to my camp that is adopted. He was put in fostercare when he was young enough to remember, and the wonderful family adopted him, and then when his sister was born a couple years later addicted to crack they got her and adopted her right away as well. So, when he first started coming to camp after his bio parents lost custody they came to the center where the camp is held and stalked him with cameras and stuff. It was so scary and they had to go on lockdown and stuff.

So, randomly today as I was standing there when he got picked up these girls come up to his dad and say "Hey, this is his sister". The dad was like "Oh, what's your parents names?" and she todl them, and he asked what her moms name was, and she said it was her step-mom, and eerily its the same first name as his bio mom. I'm so creeped out, and it scares me that theyre gonna try something weird now. ugh, i just had to vent this, and didnt really want to post it in its own thread.

Quoting Lorilydell87:" first of all, bravo for being open about it. That is a huge step as an adoptive parent. here are some ... [snip!] ... at my bio-parents. I really can confirm that they did what was best for me and I truly respect them for that. Hope this helps!"

Great advice. Thank you! I hope my son's grow up feeling loved not only by DH and I, but by their birthparents. I really want them to grow up feeling 'special' because they were adopted.

i was adopted as long with my twin and my bro and sis who are twins and also an older sis who from diff family age is 19,20,21   i was adopted at age 2 and i lived with my twin siblings and twin  

I was adopted by my uncle and his wife, and its the best thing that my birth mother could have done for me. I think adoption is one of the most selfless acts of love anyone could do. Giving a child to a family that can love and support them like they deserve is a beautiful thing, and i wish more women would choose it instead of the alternatives... whether its an infant, a child, or even a teenager,from our country or another, people who adopt deserve a respect that alot them dont get for some reason. I personally have no desire to find my birth father, i love my parents so much and the fact that they didn't actually conceive me has no effect. They ARE my parents.