leading by example

we all know BG is a crazy place full of intelligent women (and a select few males) who, for the most part are just fantastic people, but we can also be brutally honest and overly territorial ... (not that this is necessarily a bad thing).

the teen pregnancy forum is a pretty diverse place. we've got plenty of scared and hopeful young women who come in here looking for friendship, advice, and just a place to hang out w/out the judgement they receive in the real world.

we've also got the non-teens who come in to see how things are going, some to offer advice, and others, i suspect, to just see the train wreck that pregnant teens sometimes are.

in a way, it would be great if teen boys could get knocked up too, b/c they don't have to suffer even a fraction of the judgement that all of these women are encountering every day as their pregnancies become more and more visible.

yes, there are certain number of teens getting on here who are shockingly ignorant -- and yes, it is scary to contemplate them even being a parent, but the fact is that's what's happening and this place is here to help them become less shockingly ignorant, to point them in the right direction, to remind them that the internet is LOADED w/ valuable information about pregnancy and parenting.

what these young women DON'T need: quick one-liners that are pointless mockery of their grammar and spelling (you can advise nicely on this one), the too-little-too-late judgemental statements about "keeping their legs closed", and the full gamut of insults that some of the more experienced/older women on here tend to throw out in a moment of frustration after seeing the same level of ignorance for the umpteenth time.

if you're frustrated/annoyed/exasperated that yet ANOTHER teenager is asking whether they're pregnant or not, or whether they should stay w/ their baby-daddy who's a drug addict, or whether they should go to the hospital b/c they're bleeding, check yourself before you post. maybe don't post at all if you have nothing helpful to say. b/c they will not benefit from snide remarks.

why take your frustration out on them anyway?

they're clearly not informed or mature enough to do much besides post their questions here-- a place that was designed to help them figure all this stuff out in the first place. BG is a place where many of them feel accepted for the first time since their pregnancy started and so it's fairly natural that this is the first place they go for help.

obviously, there are going to be young women on here who are under-educated about their bodies, their personal ethics, parenting, pregnancy, and so on... they're teenagers!!! just a few years ago they were children, being able to reproduce doesn't instantly make you intelligent, capable, or mature... and it doesn't follow that the decision to have sex means these teenagers are in any way ready to deal with the consequences.

this is the real world not a perfect one.

try and remember being 15 or 16, and now, try and remember how straight your head was screwed on at that age. now, add being pregnant to that equation.

ridiculing any of these young women now is only going to put them on the defensive and turn whatever thread they're posting in, into a tit-for-tat cat fight that will sail effortlessly to the drama corner and not teach them anything that will help them be better parents or people.

so, for all you non-teens and you mature, educated teens, and even you immature teens, please, try and take the high ground: don't engage in the fight, even if you didn't start it... walk away. click ignore. be the bigger person.

or if you're feeling especially saintly, address the problem/questions w/ kindness and clarity.

lead by example and prove to yourself and everyone on here that you are mature enough to be a decent parent and human being, that you don't need to engage in mocking others for their lack of knowledge or the fact that they got pregnant so early.

gracefully give advice when you have it and the good taste to not comment when you feel like someone is just being an idiot or antagonizing others.

being a pregnant teenager is serious stuff and the more we can equip these young women w/ knowledge and examples of what good parents do -- in every sort of situation, the better off the next generation will be.

Quoting Mara:“ we all know BG is a crazy place full of intelligent crazy women (and a select few males) who, for the ... [snip!] ... w/ knowledge and examples of what good parents do -- in every sort of situation, the better off the next generation will be.”

In most cases, I agree with you completely. I try to help many of the younger teen mothers, ESPECIALLY the younger ones, with any questions they have. They do need help and chastising them about what they've already done is a bit on the pointless side.

However, there is a difference between spelling and grammar errors and just plain obnoxious slang. And while I try to hold my patience and overlook it, after awhile, it does grate on the nerves. I try to be as nice as possible when correcting them, but I also am trying to understand their need to spell something as simple as "my" "ma." I understand grammatical errors and spelling errors, they happen. My sister is not the best nor the most intelligent person in the world and she doesn't spell very well (or even speak well, for that matter) but she at least tries to sound intelligent. If some of these girls want respect, shouldn't they also show themselves to be adults? You do not have to be intelligent to appear mature or to show yourself as responsible.

I am not defending many of the women who attack these girls, however. I have one in particular girl in here I have somewhat befriended, and she is fifteen years old. She has a lot of questions and though they may not always be intelligent, or may even be common sense questions, I answer them because she's asking out of a need. And I saw her get attacked the other day just because something surprised her. And it isn't fair, that you are completely right about.

I like going to the teen forums because I was a teen mommy, I've been there, done that, and I feel something for many of these girls, a need to nurture them, to help them figure their own way out during their pregnancy and early motherhood. So, hopefully many others feel that way as well and there will be less criticizing. Somehow, though, with all of the pregnancy hormones flying everywhere, I doubt it.

Quoting WickedMama:“Somehow, though, with all of the pregnancy hormones flying everywhere, I doubt it.”

ah, i know... i post something like this ever year or so, just to remind everyone to be a little nicer to the "new kids on the block."

it's about all i can do.

i'm not going to censure or ban people for their responses, so i just try to remind them of how important it is to help these young pregnant women to get a clue before the baby's out in the real world.

and the longer some of the members are on here the less tolerant they are of the repeat ignorance they inevitably witness.

they just need to be reminded it's a simple reflection of new teens being totally unprepared b/c they weren't planning on getting pregnant. the same questions will always pop up, b/c each day new teens are coming on here looking for answers to questions they've never asked before.

that said, i really really appreciate the older and more-experienced members who do take the time and effort to be kind, helpful, and patient w/ these young women... so many of them desparately need suport and some form of basic mentoring, especially those who receive NO help from their families.

mara i do agree with everything you said however, its one thing when you really dont understand something its another when you sound like a complete idiot who really does need to keep their heads in the books. i wouldnt tell my sister anything different then i tell most of the girls on here. i do not come on here to bash teens with babies because i was pregnant at 16, i do know how it is to have to fight with an upset parent, and i do know what its like to be forced into an abortion. my mother also had me at 17 so i did understand where she was coming from. at the same token though if someone is trying to give some helpful advice these young ladies should not be bitching about "you dont know nothing about me" "mind yourown business" "why do you care" obviously knowing that this is the internet you are going to get plenty of responses you may or may not agree with, it is only meant to expand a way of thinking imo.


o yes and i for one dont care about the whole grammar or puntuation thing ...iiT D0eSANN0y ME WHeN GiiRLZ TyPe LiiKe THiiS ...that took forever for me to do by the way

mara i agree completely. we have been trying to tell them that all this time. but of course you make more sense than we ever will. hopefilly they will listen to you because its really getting annoying.

thanks again mara 

I don't know very many members of this site yet, as I'm a pretty new member myself . As a member, thus far, I've been more of a "lurker" than a poster. I wanted to take this opportunity to post something positive and **I hope** helpful. So here is my story:

I am currently 27, married, and pregnant with my 2nd son due in March. However, 9 years ago I was18, a senior in high school, single, and almost 7 months pregnant. I was the girl in the abusive relationship with an irresponsible and slightly older boyfriend who wasbest knownas the guy "who knew where all the parties were". I accidentally got pregnant. I was three months along when he shoved me into a door and I broke up with him. I went through my pregnancy without him, and have since raised and supported my son without him. I had so many mixed emotions at that time. I was excited about the upcoming birth of my son yet I was extremely depressed about being a single mom...the highs and lows were endless. I decided to take control of my life and get my stuff together for my child's sake. I graduated from high school on time and with honors. I went to college at a major University 6 hours away from my parents, my friends, and my family and of course my then 6 month old son went with me. I graduated college at 22and purchased my first home all on my own at age 24- the same year I was lucky enough to meet the man of my dreams who I am now married to and who has stepped in as a father to my son in a way I thought no one could.

I wanted to share my story in this particular topic to say that I am here if anyone needs support, advice of any kind, or to simply just talk. I can relate because I havebeen there. I'm happy to help anyone, in any way I can. I know a lot aboutapplying to college and the resources available to single young mothers who do. I know a fair amount about paternal rights, what's considered abandonment, father's who don't pay child support...and so on. Most of all I know what it feels like to be a teenager, pregnant, and feel hopeless and alone.

I hope this was the right place to post this. This topic just motivated me- so I thought "what the heck". :-)

I admit, I can be one of those older memebers that gets annoyed with them. I try to genuinly help them most of the time, though. I understand it's tough for them. and you're absolutely right. It does go NO WHERE when all we do is tell her she's stupid, or what have you. My problem is that they resort to the YOU DON'T KNOW ME etc., stance when they've asked for honest opinions and it therefore gets turned into a TDC worthy thread.

Mara i agree with you completely and i hope this post will make some of the more brutially honest people calm down a couple notches. The teens here are still young and not as mature and wise as some other member s of this site. Mara thanks for posting this cuz everyone will listen to you.

I agree with everything you say Mara, but there's just some teenagers on here that don't give two licks about what we have to say, even if we've been there and are speaking from experience just to help them. I hope they can be more open minded as well and not be on this "I'll get them before they get me" kick.

I myself can be a little hard on them too cause I was a teen mother and know how hard it is . I wish I could just help some of them realize how hard it is . I will offer my support to any tennage mother who needs it.

"what these young women DON'T need: quick one-liners that are pointless mockery of their grammar and spelling (you can advise nicely on this one), the too-little-too-late judgemental statements about "keeping their legs closed", and the full gamut of insults that some of the more experienced/older women on here tend to throw out in a moment of frustration after seeing the same level of ignorance for the umpteenth time."

I agree.. There is a certain group of women who like to sit in their drama corner thread and mock the girls in TP.. They discuss the threads and how stupid the girl(s) are and than come and gang up on her/them. It is completely unacceptable for ADULTS to act this way.

It's really sad that people feel the need to come on the internet and pick on pregnant teens to make them selves feel witty/smart or whatever it is that they get out of it.
.. I find it pathetic, actually.

Thank you for addressing this Mara, it's been a long time coming!

Quoting JamieMichelle♡:“ "I agree.. There is a certain group of women who like to sit in their drama corner thread and mock the girls in TP.. They discuss the threads and how stupid the girl(s) are and than come and gang up on her/them. It is completely unacceptable for ADULTS to act this way. "

I'm sorry. But I disagree with your statement regarding your comment here. I have seen countless amounts of times teens using "one-liners"
I hardly ever see woman who "chat" in the drama corner come and gang up on a poster unless the OP has begun drama themselves.
I personally find NOTHING wrong with asking someone not to TyPe LiKe Diis, because it is against the TOS.

Quoting JamieMichelle♡:“ "what these young women DON'T need: quick one-liners that are pointless mockery of their grammar and ... [snip!] ... is that they get out of it. .. I find it pathetic, actually. Thank you for addressing this Mara, it's been a long time coming!”

You know how? Because you lurk in TDC? Read a couple of threads then you think you know what we talk about all the time? What was the point of coming into this thread and tattling on us? The drama corner is for us to express how we REALLY feel. Isn't it better for us to relieve our aggression in TDC, then to go into the threads in TP and voice our dislike for them or their actions in there?
Mara's thread has NOTHING to do with what goes on in TDC. And EVERYTHING to do with what goes on here. If you don't like itin TDC, then don't hang out there.

Quoting JamieMichelle♡:“ "what these young women DON'T need: quick one-liners that are pointless mockery of their grammar and ... [snip!] ... is that they get out of it. .. I find it pathetic, actually. Thank you for addressing this Mara, it's been a long time coming!”

 Lurk much?