re: Adoptive Parent Thread

Good - for our state adopting from foster care and adopting privately require the same homestudy so hopefully yours is the same way.

Met the birthparents this morning. Eveything went well. We went together to go met with an attorney and get things started. Going over to her moms house for dinner tonight.

Here is a good PDF I found online with laws by state. It is from 2004 but still helpful. I will add to the resources when I am not on my iPad.

http://www.theadoptionguide.com/files/StateAdoptionLaws.pdf

How is this for a coincidence.....

Yesterday we met a little girl withthe same first and middlename as our daughter...and she was also adopted!

I was going to try and read through a lot of the posts to learn more about everyone's story, but who has time for all that.

I'm just going to come out and ask some questions if you all don't mind...

1) By what means did you come to adopt your child? Did you go through a private adoption agency, the state, another country, etc?

2) Do your children have any mental health issues that were discovered?

3) How much money did you end up spending to adopt?

I hope these questions aren't too personal. I'm a birthmother who is now dealing with secondary infertility and I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of adopting vs additional fertility treatment. My birthson who is now 13 and a half years old is dealing with some mental health issues. It's been extremely hard to tell if they're are biological or issues stemming from being adopted (some kids have a harder time with it that others). Our son is in a very difficult place right now. His birthfather and I got married, bought a house, have good careers, and the whole white picket fence deal, and he didn't see us when we were teenagers still living with our parents and trying to decide if we could care for a child on our own. He doesn't understand why we would "just give him away". We're pretty sure he has some hereditary mental health issues as well. After years of uncontrollable emotional outbursts and seeing a psychiatrist, he's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It breaks my heart and puts me in fear of both adopting and having biological children, if that makes sense. LOL

Anyway, I didn't want to get into too much detail, but I would love some insight to help me on my own path to becoming a parent.

Thanks, Heather

To answer some of your questions:

1. We found an add from an adoption agency online about Jamie's birthparents. We adopted him at birth from another state and went through an agency. We paid over $40,000 for his adoption :-/ He is only 26 months--so I can't comment on the "mental health" question
2. My second son we found his birthmom right here on babygaga. We went through an agency and adopted him at birth. We paid about $13,000 for his adoption. He's only 12 months old--so again I can't comment on the mental health issues.

Things you should know... there is a tax credit out there, which will give you just over $13,000 back as a refund on your taxes. There is a chance that this refund will disappear if the gov't doesn't renew it.

If you find a birthmother on your own and go through a cheap agency or lawyer it will cost you way less then my two amounts above depending on the situation.

Fostercare may be an option. I have a friend that only wanted to be placed with infants..she waited awhile, but eventually was placed with a little girl and it was absolutely FREE. Every state is different with how the fostercare system works, but may be something to look into.

Feel free to ask any other questions or PM me. I'm pretty knowledgable about the process and love to talk to others about adoption! Good luck with your journey.

Quoting Blessed by Adoption X2:" To answer some of your questions: 1. We found an add from an adoption agency online about Jamie's ... [snip!] ... or PM me. I'm pretty knowledgable about the process and love to talk to others about adoption! Good luck with your journey."

Thank you so much for sharing with me. It's been a huge struggle trying to come to a decision one way or the other.

I'm also very nervous about the state of our house, cause I know there are home studies involved. The foundation on our house has a pretty big crack and half the house has setled more then the other, causing problems like doors not closing properly and teetering tiles. I worry that we'll be disqualified, but have no actually experience with which I'm basing this assumption.

Plus my husband and I see the beautiful child we created who has some of our features and personality, so the dream of having a biological child is hard to give up on when you see the product of your love.

It's so much to consider. Thanks again.

I went through several fertility treatments. I had 4 IUIs that didn't work. We have the option to do IVF but we can't afford that. We found our BM here on BG too. We just hired a lwayer in each state and hopefull it will cost about 7000 not including travel expenses.

Quoting HRKittredge:" Thank you so much for sharing with me. It's been a huge struggle trying to come to a decision one way ... [snip!] ... a biological child is hard to give up on when you see the product of your love. It's so much to consider. Thanks again."

You are in a unique situation for sure and have to follow your hearts desire. I truly believe things happen for a reason.

Not sure if this thread is dead or not, but I was wondering if any of you mama's know how to induce lactation. We are hoping to get DH nieces baby in July and I would like to nurse her.

Thanks!

DH and I are wanting to do an independent adoption.
We live in Italy with the military and have now been through 3 failed adoptions.
So it has already been a struggle.

What is the best way to go about doing an independent adoption?
What online profiles do you use...is you use one?

And any advice would be wonderful  
thanks!

Quoting We made a BabyBumpBelly:" Not sure if this thread is dead or not, but I was wondering if any of you mama's know how to induce lactation. We are hoping to get DH nieces baby in July and I would like to nurse her. Thanks!"

I induced lactation for my baby that is due in 5 weeks. PM me and I will tell you how.

Quoting [[ttc for 7 years]].:" DH and I are wanting to do an independent adoption. We live in Italy with the military and have now ... [snip!] ... doing an independent adoption? What online profiles do you use...is you use one? And any advice would be wonderful   thanks!"

I found my BM right here on BG. All I did was hire one lawyer in my state and another in the BM's state. Then got an independentadoption consultant to do the homestudy.

Quoting CLC:" I found my BM right here on BG. All I did was hire one lawyer in my state and another in the BM's state. Then got an independentadoption consultant to do the homestudy."

Thats wonderful!!
We had a BM but she lost the baby recently