re: Adoptive Parent Thread

Quoting Adoption is Awesome:“ Mommy Love - I hope this isn't too personal, but do you get paid to surrogate? I have always wondered ... [snip!] ... the hospital when our little girl was born, but for the most part they seemed so filled with joy. What an amazing experience.”

You don't really get 'paid' for it so to speak. More of a reimbursement of expenses, almost like birthmother expenses. Some surrogates are really inexpensive ($10,000 in expenses), and some experienced surrogates get anywhere from $25,000 to $60,000. I've 'heard' of surro's getting more than that, but they were working with big agencies. I know of a first-time surro only asking $10,000 total, but she's hard a hard time finding IP's. And some ask $25-30K and they find IP's (Intended Parents) fast. It's crazy how it all works. Alot of people choose it after trying adoption, just because it's a 'sure thing'. And even though you're not adopting a baby that needs a home, in most cases you are helping a family get a better grip on things financially. And some just do it to help.  

Kat - I hope your dreams come true of adopting soon!! You guys deserve to be mommies, and hopefully find a newborn so you can experience all of those firsts. Even though I think it's great you are open to any age, and any complications, I still think you guys deserve to experience the whole package.   Sometimes birthmoms come on the surro threads, I'll keep my eyes open.  

Quoting Mommy ♥ Love:“ Kat - I hope your dreams come true of adopting soon!! You guys deserve to be mommies, and hopefully find ... [snip!] ... you guys deserve to experience the whole package.   Sometimes birthmoms come on the surro threads, I'll keep my eyes open.  ”

Thanks SOO much sweetpea..& I would love a baby for that reason..just to be able to see all of their firsts. Thanks for keeping an eye out for me..

Kat lots of adoptive moms have reported getting "the call" while on vacation. LOL.

We have a trip planned in August, but we won't really be that far from home. Last year we went to Cleveland and got the call right before walking out the door on vacation so we spent the whole trip with our heads spinning in circles!

Today I've decided that I'm going to make some agressive goals for this summer. I've made a big list of household projects that will get done.

Quoting Adoption is Awesome:“ Kat lots of adoptive moms have reported getting "the call" while on vacation. LOL. We have a trip ... [snip!] ... that I'm going to make some agressive goals for this summer. I've made a big list of household projects that will get done. ”

That would be a blessing to be on vacation and then get the call of a lifetime...& yeah Im with you on making a list of things that NEED to get done...this summer I would like to get our basement finished..we are setting up a "kids hangout" down there with air hockey, pool table, etc. Maybe we can be each others support system

Quoting Kat17201:“ That would be a blessing to be on vacation and then get the call of a lifetime...& yeah Im with ... [snip!] ... are setting up a "kids hangout" down there with air hockey, pool table, etc. Maybe we can be each others support system”

For sure Kat. We need all the support we can get! Are you having a lot of people give you a hard time about adoption? We had a hard time convincing our families that the birthfamily wasn't going to come back and "take" the baby. I wish our extended family could meet our daughter's birthfamily. Then it would be so clear to them how much they want that baby to be with us.

We tore out all the carpet in our basement last year and replaced it with berber from Home Depot. They have this really affordable kind, but you only have color choice... Tan. The whole basement came in at around $950! around.

We are adopting from Ethiopia now. Yes I am insane. Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! We have been so excited. Once we changed from domestic we expected this to take a year, but it ha been a hold on buckle your seatbelt kind of move. We ought to have her home in under 8 mos total.

Oh Lily - How wonderful for you. How long do you have to stay in Ethopia? Do you have the room ready yet?

Quoting Adoption is Awesome:“ For sure Kat. We need all the support we can get! Are you having a lot of people give you a hard time ... [snip!] ... have this really affordable kind, but you only have color choice... Tan. The whole basement came in at around $950! around.”

Yes, because we have been through so many failed adoptions, our families and friends are kind of skeptical. I don't blame them but sometimes it would be nice to have a little support when things get rough. I mean we do have some great supporters but others can be debbie downers lol..

Quoting Kat17201:“ Yes, because we have been through so many failed adoptions, our families and friends are kind of skeptical. ... [snip!] ... to have a little support when things get rough. I mean we do have some great supporters but others can be debbie downers lol..”

Kat we had so many people say downright stupid and ignorant stuff to us. A person I work with said that he wonders if taking a baby from it's mother so soon is like taking a puppy away from it's mother too soon.

Then I have people who ask me if I'm "worried" about the birthmother causing problems. To me that is so insulting, because what I have with our birthmother is better than what I have with my own sister or mother. It's a special gift from God, unexpected really, that I'm sad more people cannot experience.

Sometimes I wish our immediate family could meet our birthfamily and their children (our daughter's bio sibs) because I want the birthfamily to see how much joy they have not only given to us but to our entire family. Our daughter is so loved that sometimes we refer to her as the wishbone because people fight over who gets to hold her. I will jokingly say - hey don't break her in half like a wishbone. I also want our immediate family to see how normal and wonderful our birthfamily are. And crazily enough, how alike we all are.

Kat one thing my neighbor prays for regarding our adoption is that we find birthfamilies that fit in with our family. Every family is unique, but we're so extroverted and outgoing that a bookworm who likes time alone might get gobbled up so to speak! I'll pray for that for you two as well.

Quoting Adoption is Awesome:“ Kat we had so many people say downright stupid and ignorant stuff to us. A person I work with said ... [snip!] ... have with my own sister or mother. It's a special gift from God, unexpected really, that I'm sad more people cannot experience.”

That is exactly what we want..we want a relationship with our birthmom like no other relationship we have ever had. We want her as well as her family to feel apart of our family...I want her to be able to just call us up whenever even if its just to talk about what we are doing that day.

Quoting Kat17201:“ That is exactly what we want..we want a relationship with our birthmom like no other relationship we ... [snip!] ... of our family...I want her to be able to just call us up whenever even if its just to talk about what we are doing that day.”

Our relationship isn't quite that every day, but nonetheless it's great. We also know our daughter's birthfather too, which is an added bonus.

Now that I've been though this once... I think for our situation that we prefer, scheduled face-to-face visits and of course emails. We maintain a private website (password protected) where I post updates and photos regurlarly, and I can see that our birthfamily does check it about once a month. We don't spend a lot of time on the phone because neither of us has a lot of time to chat. Our face-to-face visits have been great though. I wish there were more of them . I kind of thought we'd get together quarterly. We're overdue for a visit.

Quoting Adoption is Awesome:“ Our relationship isn't quite that every day, but nonetheless it's great. We also know our daughter's ... [snip!] ... been great though. I wish there were more of them . I kind of thought we'd get together quarterly. We're overdue for a visit.”

OMG thats what we are gonna do too..we want like a private webpage that only they can see to where we can put new pictures and videos up..that way they can view it when THEY want too..*Sigh* Just hoping there is a birthmother/firstmother out there that whats this kind of relationship..

It's hard for me to put myself in the shoes of a birthmother since we so badly want children, but I think that the webiste is great idea because I'm assuming somedays they really don't want to think about the whole adoption and other days they want all the info and pictures they can get. That's another reason I don't like phone calls. I don't want to call them at a bad time and remind them of something they might be trying compartmentalize into a differnet part of their brain if that makes sense. Part of the adoption process for the birthfamily is about moving forward with their lives. Also when the baby gets old enough to talk on the phone I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with them regurlarly talking to my kid. Some birthmothers are in a lot of trouble beyond their pregnancies including drugs, crime etc. Our birthfamily is not like this fortunatly. However say when our daughter is older, our rules here might differ from our birthfamily's rules. I don't want our daughter getting a "no" from us on something and calling her birthmother and having her inadvertantly not back up our parenting. Part of the responsiblity of being an adoptive family is setting what boundaries are best for the child.

I think that the number of ways you can structure a post-adoption plan vary dramatically. I think it will come to you when the time presents itself. Just becareful not to overcommit up front.