Arugh.. a rant... *sigh*

Rant rant rant.. Grrr

So far I feel like a freakin' single parent, honest to god. Despite not being one! I can barely get her father to do the "fun" stuff like cuddle with her, play with her, pick her up, soothe her, never mind get him to do the rest of the stuff on his own. Im tired of having to ask him to pick up the crying baby. Shes crying. The obvious thing to do is to check on her! Am I the only one whose capable of picking the baby up?

Today he came home early from work.. He works 3rd shift, and about an hour before hand I had gotten Alex fed, changed, and back to sleep in her swing. Well he comes barreling in, strips down, climbs into bed, wants to cuddle, and in the process wakes her up. Hello I've had about 2 hours of sleep, and I was almost about to get 3 more until he came home 2 hours early. So does he tend to the baby he has awoken? Does he ask if he can help? Oh no, he rolls over and I'm left to get up and fetch her, and cuddle her back to sleep.

Apparently I am not allowed more than a few hours sleep in this house.

He then complains that I don't ask him for help. Why in the world must I have to ask for help with our daughter?! Don't you notice me up repeatedly all night with her? Shes his daughter... I swear he's watched her cry, and waited for me to come into the room from somewhere else, and begin to pick her up, and then asks if he can do anything.. Uh, yes pick her up and console her before I'm forced to stop whatever it is I finally got a chance to start to do.

I've watched him go days without even so much as talking to Alex or giving her a kiss goodbye or holding her. The only time he does hold her is if I either say something about it (me being upset about it) or if I dump her in his arms (like if I want to get in the shower).

We have 4 cats. He is more apt to repeatedly pick up and cuddle with a damn cat (I love my cats, but I love my daughter more...) than even talk to Alex. Never mind hold her, cuddle with her, kiss her, talk to her..

And his answer to why he doesn't hold Alex..... She cries..

Of course she cries, she doesn't know him. Ive explained it to him over and over. She cant see beyond a foot past her little face, if he doesn't interact with her, being in the same room/house isn't good enough for her to get to know her daddy. She cant initiate interaction, and nor should she have to. She's the baby, hes the adult who made it possible for her to be brought into this world.. He was more excited for her when I was still pregnant, than he is now..

Its just so fustrating that I feel so alone with raising my daughter. And I feel so sad for her, that its like she doesn't get the love from her father that she rightly deserves.

He is I should mention Bi-polar. It doesn't affect our lives terribly much day to day. He isn't on medication. His cycles are spaced fairly far apart, going months in his "normal" period, and having a month to three months of the manic periods. His manic periods generally consist of him being up a lot more than being down, so at best, he gets annoying. Hehe.. However he does tend to take things to heart a bit more than someone without Bi-polar disorder I reckon, so I generally have to chose my words carefully, and pick and chose my battles with him, as it can set him off into depression (until we make up) rather easily. So while Ive said all these things to him (in a nicer way) it hasn't done a whole lot, because I eventually have to either take it back, or reassure him that its o kay as to avoid a meltdown. (There was a time when I was pregnant that we got into a fight, and it set him in motion kind of, and he came back from work the next day with no job... Ive since learned my lesson to not start arguments or disagreements on days he works.)

My mother knows he is bi-polar, so of course this is her answer as to why he is like how he is, (I realize this, he isn't a bad person however, he does the best he can, hes got an amazing heart, hes highly intelligent, but he just doesn't always "get" things when it comes to relating to other people right off the back) and never forgets to remind me that I chose this. I'm sorry I had no idea being Bi-polar equated to him not bonding with his daughter.

I love my daughter completely, and I love him as well, and honestly I'm just sleep deprived and lonely when it comes to all this stuff. I feel badly for my daughter, because she didn't chose this for her life, and while I know he loves her, I just cant understand why he doesn't try more when it comes to her.

*sigh*

Thanks for reading..

Ditto all that but the bi-polar thing and that's my bf! I feel ya girl, it sucks. The reason my boyfriend doesn't get up when Parker is crying in the night is because he "can't hear him crying". Umm..he doesn't even have to be crying for me to hear him, so that's one damn good filter on those ears!!  

It'll get better. I think most men go through this stage. When thebaby cries they automatically think the baby doesn't like them, instead of taking the other approach Hey my child is crying because they don't know me. Well, there's that and the fact that men lack that maternal instinct. It does get better though, when the baby starts doing the "fun" stuff. That's about when they want to join in on child rearing. How old is your daughter? Usually when the baby becomes mobile, starts babbling, or is doing something new. I pick up my crying baby and plop her in my hubby's lap and say your daughters crying, I'm going to the market. And I'll stay out for a good 2 hours at least, just to let him see how hard it is. I think they tend to rely on us more when were there, because they know we'll take care of the babies needs. When were not there, the men will do it. When I come back home, she's in front of him laughing and he's making stupid faces at her, she's changed and they've had time together. You have to make them do it sometimes, until they get into the swing of things.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! I think sometimes since our men don't have our maternal instinct they are unsure of what to do in certain situations, so they'd just rather avoid it. My fiance is great and he tries, but his answer for everything is that she is hungry, so anytime she makes the slightest unhappy noise, he wants to hand her off to me so I can feed her. Never mind if it's only been 10 minutes since I did that.  

Of course as mothers we think every little move our little angels make is cause for celebration, but let's face it - at their age, they really don't DO too much besides cry and sleep, so maybe it's hard for your BF to know what exactly to do to interact with her. Since you said with his bipolar it makes it hard for him to "get" things when relating to other people it probably is all that much harder for him to know how to relate to a baby. I would be willing to bet that in a few months when she is able to do more things you might see a big change in your situation. When he sees he can actually make her smile, cause her to laugh, see her face light up when he comes in the room, etc, he will be amazed and you won't believe there was a time when they weren't bonded. Even though most of us mothers have an immediate bond with our children, we have to remember that not all dads do. In the meantime, maybe just try to find more opportunities to "hand her off" to encourage him to feel more at ease with her. Anyway, enough of my babbling; I hope everything gets better for you!

Double ditto. The other day I had to practically beg my boyfriend to look after the baby so I could take a shower. I was pissed. Sometimes I just want to ask him if he is capable of doing anything other than playing NBA 2K7??? like hello your son is crying!!